hi everyone firstly i apologise for the lack of posts, i was just starting to get regular readers then i stop posting *well done Courtney* the reason for the lack of posts however is over the last two weeks my mental health state had decreased.
For those of you who don’t know I have social anxiety, (which is why the blogs called what it is) i noticed my worries getting worse as in just a bit more cautious with things like going to the uni library on my own about a week ago but i had only just managed to do this in the last month anyway because of fears of being intimidated in a silent place of being judged for being on my own so because it was a new thing for me i put it down to being a fluke or something like that, which looking back now is just putting my self down without even realising it. Other things that have been different is i had no passion to do anything essays blog posting and for me this was unusual cause i love blogging and im so passionate about my course I had no reason for this lack of wanting to do things apart from it will be rubbish anyway which to be honest is a normal thing i tell myself on a daily basis but i normally manage to do it anyway.
I finally came to the realisation that i had hit a bad patch in terms of mental health when i was getting really irritable one night i had a go at my poor mum down the phone and she did absolutely nothing wrong. Once i put the phone down i felt awful and went to my flatmate “why am i such a horrible person” her reply was “apart from lectures you haven’t been out of the house in 3 weeks, shall we go out for dinner” i hadent even realised that i hadent been out but a soon as she mentioned going out i was just struck with fear my heart raced, i was shaking and i couldn’t even think of excuses not to go out which im normally pretty good at if im having an anxious day.
These symptoms of not even realising im struggling are new for me cause i normally overthink overthink everything. im not quite sure what im going to do but im going home for a bit tommorow to see if a bit of tlc from my family will work.
Sorry if this has been a bit of a ramble post but if anyone has had this type of thing id love some advice and if anyone is struggling as always get in touch with me (links on the contact page)