I’ve now officially finished my first year at uni I’m so happy but at the same time that means I have a whole summer to do what I want with. Sounds great to most but to me when i hear someone say free time to do what you want with I feel fear and guilt.
Fear because the words do what you want offers oppunitunitys for social events and choice for what I want to do and for me I know that the choice I make will be to do nothing. To do nothing but sit at home on my laptop because that’s more enjoyable than being at a social event where I will be in constant panic and destress due to social aneixty.
But then the guilt kicks in after the social event has happened, guilt that I didn’t go to a friend’s birthday party or guilt that I’m making myself miss out on amazing times and beat myself up about it when I go on social media and see what I missed out on again.
Overall I feel shame as in principle I’m the kind of person who believes you only have one life you should live it to the full! But in reality I just can’t, my mind hasn’t let me.
I realise this post was extremely negetive and not like my normally writing style, so I’m sorry if you didn’t like it but at the moment it’s how I feel. However im basing these feelings and expectations on past expirenes but this doesn’t mean it is going to happen this year and I’m going to try my best for it not to be . I wrote this post to hopefully give you updates on how wrong I was and how much I’m enjoying my summer.
Im going to try my best to have great ecxpirences and see the views of this world instead of this view from my bed.
Does anyone else feel like this and do you have any tips to help? Please comment with that or anything else you wish to say.