Why diversity in the blogging community is so important

#ILiveItIBlogIt

I like to think I am a person who advocates for diversity in society and is passionate about achieving equality for every person on the planet. So when I saw the campaign my friend John Sennett was running to promote divesity within the blogging community I was proud and excited  ( I may have even done a fist pump In the air) 

During my time being in the blogging community ive spoken to some amazing relatable people who understand the sometimes troubling times and experiences I have as a women  who is a wheelchair user, has epilepsy and a mental illness, reading there ecxpirence’s and how similar some are to mine has made me feel more “normal” and like I wasent alone in what I was going trough.

I hate using that word normal is this context but the truth is minorities arn’t the normal within society. The media has a big part to play in that . I see adverts promoting  diversity and they are really not! The most recent example I can think of is Boohoo’s #allgirls campaign that was meant to be promoting all girls right to enjoy fashion and have their own sense of style, within the campaign a women who was plus size or disabled was no where to be seen. This is just the latest example I can think of where the media have ecxduded women who are disabled or have a different apperence to what society would consider normal. And I am sure there a many other instances of diversity exclusion that I haven’t regonized because I am not in that minority group. 

We have a chance to change this us bloggers are part of a new wave of media, we can share our stories and support each other in our real lives warts and all without the glossyness that even many bloggers feel the need to present. Im in my 20s now and confident enough to most of the time being comfortable  with my disablities and mental health problems but at school I was not, but if I was to go into my school times it would be a whole different post. However can say that I would have loved to have someone older than me showing how life really is for them as a disabled person.

Let’s change this for the next generation let’s use the power we have as influences to share the life’s we live our real lives and support and love each other for who we are not the normal were told to be! Let’s all take part in the #ILiveItIblog it campaign and let that just be the start of embracing our diversity.

The Vamps bringing disability into mainstream media

Hi guys! Sorry for the lack of posts been so busy with uni, but its almost summer so it will probably go from one extreme to the other soon and you’ll be sick of me posting.

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I had to post  today though as I’ve just watched boy-band the vamps new video for there current single middle of the night. I was pleasantly surprised to see the main actor and actress in the video using sign language to communicate. I say pleasantly surprised because i have followed the vamps career for a while i wouldn’t say i’m a fan-girl but I’ve seen them live many times when they were support acts for the wanted, and have always respected them as musicians and enjoyed their singles as well of live sets i have seen.

Their position in the music industry from when i stated following their career has grown hugely they are now one of the biggest boy band in the UK and that brings with it people admiring them and respecting their opinions. Meaning bringing disability into the mainstream media on the big platform that they have  will make an impression on a huge audience and make disabilities more widely seen.

What was great about this video is the song wasn’t about disability it was making no political statement just two disabled people in a normal situation breaking up or meeting up after a break up i cant decide tbh! But this is amazing making advisability visible in terms of everyday normal situation and not just hired as disabled actors just actors ( if they were actually disabled that is, which i hope they were)

So thank you to the vamps this video may seem to some as just a video that wont make much of a difference, but i see it as visibility for disabled people as the humans that we are and not our disability.

watch the video here

A very honest account of whats it like to have Epilepsy

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not my image

Today is purple day a day to recognize epilepsy as a serious condition and raise awareness of it. I am very passionate about raising awareness for epilepsy because it affects my life substantially but the reason i dont speak about it on my bog like i speak about having social anxiety and being a wheelchair user is because i don’t really know anything about it! The reason for this is im always in an unconscious state when i have a fit so i dont know what it feels like to have one i personally have no warning of it and cant do anything about it so because of my anxiety and needing to be in control i feel if i read up about it i would be even more frustrated  i have no control, in this case ignorance really is bliss.

I cant give information on where to get help, meds to take like i do with my other conditions cause with epilepsy i just do what my consultant says. I cant even tell you what it feels like to have epilepsy.  I can only tell you the ways it affects my life.

The lack of control affects my life massively every-time i cross a road on my own or do anything of that nature i’m constantly thinking what if i have a fit? This actually happened to me in the summer of 2016 i was driving my electric wheelchair on the path and i had a fit and even though i was unconscious because my hand was still on the stick i carried on driving straight onto the road. Because i was unconsciousness my body had no way of saving itself  and i ended up dislocating my shoulder breaking my arm and a bone in my foot. Luckily this was not a busy road and i had someone very kindly stop and divert the cars that did come away from me.  But every day i think well what if next time im not so lucky?

I said id be honest so ill admit that an aspect of no control is also no control of my bladder. Now this is one of the problems with my epilepsy that i find bearable still embarrassing and annoying if i’m out and have no spare clothes but its ok. In my teen years this was a lot more distressing a lost count of how many times i was crying in the toilets because id just wet myself in the canteen or in class. Not only was it out of fear of being teased but its also psychologically hard when your having the conflict of being in-between a child and an  adult   and you wet yourself making you feel like a toddler.

It also effects my life socially I cant go and watch 3d films or sit at the very front in the cinema which again not to much of a big deal but i do miss out on social gatherings with friends. The flash of a camera, getting to hot both things that tend to happen on a good night both trigger a fit for me.

Lastly because of my epilepsy i cant drive now im only 20 so this hasent affected me so much yet but i know it will because most work places require you to have a drivers license. I wont be able to drive my kids to school or rush them to the hospital if needed.

Im a very positive person and my anxiety and disability that makes me a wheelchair user suck but i can see qualities in myself that i like because of them so there is a positive outcome from it. But epilepsy nothing i get no feeling from it no learnt experience it only restricts who i am as a person not develops it and for this reason if i had one wish in life i’d be more than happy to stay in my wheelchair i just want to get rid of my epilepsy.

I’d like to dedicate this post to lovely girl Amy who i when to school with and  sadly passed away  during an epileptic fit.

Courtney

Winter Wheelchair Problems

Winter has ended *cheers* most people hate the winter its dark and cold but when your disabled and a wheelchair certain unique problems can present themselves. There are many but I’ve narrowed it down to my top 3 problems for wheelchair users in the winter:

1.Pain related symptoms get worse

Not everyone with a disability or in a wheelchair gets pain related symptoms but every disabled person I have spoken to does and they get worse during the winter aswell so id say this is a pretty safe generalization to make. For me personally I get painful spasms a lot when I’m cold so in the winter I basically hibernate I have friends that so come out the drink will take the pain away and granted on the night but for the following days when I’m so tight I’m struggling to move im hugely regretting going out no matter how good the night was but most of the time I still go cause you know FOMO.

2. Our hands get cold

This one is specifically wheelchair related but god do our wheels get cold every morning in the winter when I first touch them without fail I jump even though I know what it’s going to be like! And if someones around me at this point I occasionally go into to what looks like a toddler’s meltdown by saying to someone I’m with at the time “feel my wheels feel how cold they are *person gives strange look* FEEL THEM! ” always met by the response oh they are colder than I thought they’d be.

And for electronic wheelchair users, the cold hand problems still exist but only on our hand that we use to operate the driving stick which for me and my bad circulation results in one normalish looking hand and a purple hand, yer it’s not a pretty sight!

 

Snow= stuck inside

The whole of Britain has a panic when it snows but for wheelchair users, it is a panicking time and it pretty self-explanatory why we cant move because of a wheelchairs design. When I was a kid this was upsetting when everyone else was out playing now as an adult I see it as a good excuse to stay inside and get other people to do things for me.

Saying that though one of my best moment were had in the snow when I was 12 I went on a school trip to wales and was pulled up a mountain on a wheelchair that was designed like a mountain bike with wheelchair support it was pretty clever and one time I felt like nothing not even Winter weather could stop me.

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A whole lot of questions tag

So the time has come my first tag post, i was nominated to do this by the lovely  Courtney (another Courtney i haven’t nominated myself)  The tag is as it sounds just a whole load of questions and as this is a new blog i thought it would be a good tag to do to get to know more about me. So let’s get started..

Apple juice or orange juice?

Apple juice, orange is far to harsh for the morning time and you know there is the issue of bits.

Are you a morning or a night person?

100% a night person! I think id go as far to say i sleep in the daytime not at night which sadly will need to change when summer ends.

  Which do you prefer sweet or salty food?

Definitely sweet.

Ninja’s or Pirates?

Ninjas, who wouldn’t want to be fast and mysterious?!

Autobots or decepticons?

I’ve googled this as I had no idea what is and as i had to google it i really don’t think i can have a preference haha.

What was your favorite childhood TV program?

Thats so Raven. At the time i just loved all the characters and found it funny but now i see how it actually promoted equality to kids in the form of race and sizing, can Disney channel please start doing that again please! Plus the theme tune was so good.

Are you a collector of anything?

When i was younger i used to collect charity badges.

If you could be an animal, what would it be?

A cat as its unsociable moody but still wants to be loved.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

The power to fly, and well as i’m a wheelchair user the reason id choose that power is pretty obvious.

What do you normally think about before you go to sleep?

There is no  in-between here its either daydreaming about the nicest things my ultimate dreams and goals coming true. Or overthink ever stupid/bad thing that’s ever happened in my life and thinking of everything that could go wrong in the future. But either way there both not ideal as they both keep me awake!

Do you believe in E.T or life on other planets?

I don’t i just think we will have seen something by now if there is.

Do you believe in ghosts?

I don’t know i usually only believe in things like this when  i can see them so i would have said no, but the other day i was getting upset and wanted to talk to a close friend of mine that has died. My phone suddenly flashed open to my screensaver of her,  i checked and i know text messages come through no notifications on any apps ( i checked them all) and nothing needed updating and the battery was fine. I have never believed in them but honestly i have no other explanation apart from it being her doing.

 Have you ever been addicted to a video/computer game? (which ones?)

Crash bandicoot the cortex one was basically my childhood and id still play it now if i could #noshame haha

You’re given a million dollars, what do you want to spend it on?

  • id give some back back to the NHS (UK heath system) as i wouldn’t be here without them today.
  • My dads a builder so id by some land and we would build a fully accessible house adapted to my needs and make sure a pool was included.
  • And lastly do some traveling round america and I’ve always wanted to go to Italy.

Any bad habits?

Biting my nails

Which bad habits (if any) drive you crazy?

  • loud chewing
  • gulping
  • bad manners
  • whistling

List 3 of your best personality traits?

I would say: determined, thoughtful  and loyal.

List 3 of your worst personality traits?

I overthink everything, stubborn and i let other peoples opinions cloud my own judgement.

Any celeb crushes?

Nathan Sykes (crush/ completely adore the guy haha)

Name one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish i didn’t have epilepsy and the short answer to why is i have a lot of disabilities but  this one interferes with my life the most and well I could only change one thing!

Whats the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?

Their height cause im so short being sat down all the time in a wheelchair its very noticeably awkward if a guy is like 6ft+ and i’m 4ft 5 .

What personality traits do you look for in a partner?

  • Ambition
  • Amazing sense of humor
  • Gentlemanly manners
  • Thoughtful
  •  Introverted like me but still pushes me to do new things once in a while
  • Family orientated
  • Treats everyone as equals

so if anyone knows anyone like that um let me know please 😉

What personality traits do you dislike in others?

  • The feeling of self importance
  • Immaturity
  • Non appreciative
  • Rudeness

Are you mostly a clean or messy person?

Both in different ways. Im messy in like in a clutter and stuff kind of way but im clean in hygiene sense cause i have a fear of germ so every time i touch that stuff i cant be bothered to move i get the anti bacterial gel out. Yer being lazy and afraid of germs is a strange and difficult mix has you can see.

Do you see yourself getting married in the next 5 years?

No but purely because i’m single right now. But even though at the most id only be 24 in 5 years, id never base my answer to a proposal on the age i am when its right its right. Honestly made that answer up as i as typing it what a romantic i am haha!

If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live?

I wouldent want to live anywhere but the UK such a homley person.

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Italy

List 5 life goals on your to do list?

  • Become a qualified social worker
  • Buy my dream house
  • Be happily in love
  • D0 something in the memory of Rhi ( the friend that died mentioned eairlier)
  • Have a child

Name one thing you regret?

Not returning feelings i had for someone even though i had them and that resulted in me loosing them. Yer i dont think im going to go into more detail in this one haha

Name one thing you miss about being a kid?

No responsibility for sure i took for granted all the stuff my mum just did for me!

Name one thing you love about being an adult?

This has only really started to happen in the last few month but im so much sure of who i am, my own morals and opinions and im becoming confident in that. so I hope that develops cause it would be fun to see if they change overtime and where them thoughts and feelings can take me.

Whats your favorite song at the moment?

Its old  but I’ve just discovered it,  Say You Love Me by Jessie Ware

Whats your favorite song of all time?

Living Louder- The Cab

Whats your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?

Go out for a meal with friends.

Whats your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon ? 

Visit my grandparents

Do you have any talents?

Nope i’m completely talent-less.

You’re about to walk the green mile, what do you have for your last meal?

Oh god how do you choose this…. after a long time thinking im going to have to go with my granny’s home cooked roast with a New York cheesecake for pudding.

What is your dream job?

I have two that id like to both my dream would be to host a breakfast radio show then for the rest of the day be a social worker. Kind of opposite jobs i dont think they would mix very well sadly .

Would you rather have 100 million pounds/dollars or true love?

True love

If you could have 3 wishes granted what would they be?

  • For everyone i love to be healthy meaning they would stay/still be in my life.
  • To not have epilepsy.
  • To get a second chance to repair a relationship that my anxiety got in the way of.

 Ever wish you were born the opposite sex, if so why?

Yes about once every month. I don’t really think that needs an explanation!

what an answer to end on haha,

thanks again Courtney for the nomination i don’t know who has or hasn’t done it so i wont nominate but if you want to do it do it and id love to read them so send me links in the comments or on my twitter @mrssykeswannabe 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Words have an impact please be careful how you use them

I haven’t had the best day today mental health wise, I went shopping in a big center in and due to the social anxiety i have i was already very nervous, constantly thinking everyone that couldn’t get passed my wheelchair was just judging me and hating the fact i was even there.   I have social anxiety in the form of i’m worried about saying the wrong thing, making a fool of myself or being judged, when i say judged i don’t mean my appearance i couldn’t care less i just go out in jeans t shirt and no make up everyday. What I worry about is how people perceive my character and actions, i pride myself on being a good person so for people to think or judge any personality flaw i have hurts me which is stupid because everyone has personality flaws i know!

So now  I’ve done the back ground ill go into what made me want to write the post, this might be a bit hard cause i’m trying to be discrete about who was involved and what the thing that upset was specifically about which i know wont make the most gripping of posts but I hope ill still get my point across.

While i was shopping with these people who are very close to me they made a comment about a hypothetical thing im going to do and said i would be embarrassing, this wasn’t a silly little sing like just embarrassing dancing, this was a normal human interaction that is what i struggle with and they said the word embarrassing. Just one word made me think about my actions all day for the rest of the day i went over past interactions of the same type in my head in the end i just got so anxious and worked up i cried. The people’s reactions to me where “oh we have hit a nerve!” Yes you hit a nerve and the worst part of it is you no me well enough to know my insecurities and to know that would hit a nerve and i think thats what angered me. Any form of mental health issues in individual to each person the things that trigger the same condition can vary from person to person so of course i’m not going to be super sensitive if a stranger says a comment that makes me anxious i mean don’t get  me wrong ill still overthink it but i wont be angry or take it to heart as much.

The whole situation got me thinking how words can come see easily but be have such an affect on someone. So be careful and kind with your words in every case but if you know somebody with a mental health issue learn their triggers and if there comfortable talking about it talk to them about the kind of things that can be said and how it makes them feel. This will do two things, one your less likely to trigger them in the future and two you can tell them that you dont see them in the light they clearly see themselves and talk to them how there feeling. If they are comfortable doing this then you making that effort will mean so much to them.

Have you had any the experience i had when someone has worded things in a way that effected you? or hopefully have had the experience where people have took time learn about and help you? i’d love to hear about them tweet me @mrssykeswannabe or leave comments down below.

Courtney