What I’d “shout out to my ex”

If you haven’t been living under a rock you’d have heard little mix have a new song called shout out to my ex. If you haven’t heard it you should youtube it because it’s great. The sassy lyrics and powerful beat makes you want to well stick to fingers up at your exs and it’s so catchy you will not be able to get it out of your head. 

But the message of what you’d say to your ex if you could got me reflecting on my past relationship. I have dated a few people but only really have had to exs so here we go this is what I’d shout out to my exs 

Ex number 1:

  • You taught me actions really do speak louder than words, the love letters got to me and made me all gooey inside but looking back you had enough time to write them and make your self look good it should have been all the back handed compliments such in person that I should have listened to. 
  • They say money Doesent buy love but for my birthday you got me a plaque and a pillow both with inspirational quotes on them how sad that you had to use someone else’s words cause you didn’t know me well enough to get me something I would like.
  • Lastly please for the girl your with now tone down on the aftershave a day with you would give me a headache. 

    Now I probably sound like a bitter bitch let’s move on to a happier note and onto ex 2: 

    •  I want to say a thank you to you for many things, for making me feel confident in myself with your compliments that you really meant cause you took the time to get to know me.
    • Thank you for making me realise how badly I was treated by Ex 1.
    • Thank you for making me relize that to share your feelings with someone and don’t be worried about rejection or wonder how anyone could like me so I push them away because I can honestly say now I don’t wish I was with you cause I can see how happy you are with your current partner but I’m never going to let my insucrities ruin what could be something more long term and great.

    This has been kind of like therapy for me haha! Both identity are going to be hidden of course. But I am intrested what you’d say if you could to your ex so comment below and tell me.

    I wrote the passages above in October 2016 and the post was liked by many of you and i still love the message of the song such a modern anthem! So I have decided to make it an on going thing. So writing in June 2017 about another past ex here’s what i’d shout out  to ex number 3:

    • The romance of Christmas clearly made us both feel more than we should have or thought that we felt more than we did.
    • You taught me to trust my instincts  and yes my aneixty might make me over think some things but I had a feeling you still had feelings for someone else and I will know to use my higtened analysing of every word to my advantage for my next relationship.
    • But lastly even though you led me on and at times used my mental health issues to your advantage making me feel stupid, I think you generally did care about me and are a good guy! Everyone has faults ( most of yours I haven’t gone into here I must say) but I’m sure you could right a list of mine too. 
    • What I’m saying is I guess I should say thank you for the care and happiness you brought me at the time and not too many hard feelings we just were a clash of personality and neither of them bad.

    Speak to you all again on this post when I have an ex number 4 or who knows I might get lucky and find the right person next time! Well I can hope can’t I…

    The Vamps bringing disability into mainstream media

    Hi guys! Sorry for the lack of posts been so busy with uni, but its almost summer so it will probably go from one extreme to the other soon and you’ll be sick of me posting.

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    I had to post  today though as I’ve just watched boy-band the vamps new video for there current single middle of the night. I was pleasantly surprised to see the main actor and actress in the video using sign language to communicate. I say pleasantly surprised because i have followed the vamps career for a while i wouldn’t say i’m a fan-girl but I’ve seen them live many times when they were support acts for the wanted, and have always respected them as musicians and enjoyed their singles as well of live sets i have seen.

    Their position in the music industry from when i stated following their career has grown hugely they are now one of the biggest boy band in the UK and that brings with it people admiring them and respecting their opinions. Meaning bringing disability into the mainstream media on the big platform that they have  will make an impression on a huge audience and make disabilities more widely seen.

    What was great about this video is the song wasn’t about disability it was making no political statement just two disabled people in a normal situation breaking up or meeting up after a break up i cant decide tbh! But this is amazing making advisability visible in terms of everyday normal situation and not just hired as disabled actors just actors ( if they were actually disabled that is, which i hope they were)

    So thank you to the vamps this video may seem to some as just a video that wont make much of a difference, but i see it as visibility for disabled people as the humans that we are and not our disability.

    watch the video here

    If I were to make my dream blogging panel

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    Hi, guys! Today my post is focused on bloggers id love to see take part in a blogging panel. I was challenged to do this when I heard about Eventbrite which is a company that specializes in allowing anyone to create, share, find and attend private or public events. This was a no brainier for me to write this post I love seeing all the blogging events that are happening but I always miss some that I would have loved to go to so events being on an easy to use a website like Eventbrite would have been perfect for me. Also, the chance to talk about bloggers who’s stories inspire me sounded like a post id be passionate to write so let’s get started! Below is my dream blogging panel.

    Twitter: @JohnRdToVol
    Blog: https://johnsroadtovolunteering.com/

    John runs a blog focused on volunteering, helping the blogging community and empowering others. His posts are always uplifting whether it be joking about being bald when the underlying tone is to tell others it’s OK to embrace difference in appearance, or talking about his passion for volunteering the uplifting nature of Johns attitude would make a perfect addition to a blogging panel to make people feel motivated to achieve what they want to and have more faith in themselves.

    Anna Sacconejoly

    Twitter: @AnnaSaccone
                                 Blog:     http://www.annasaccone.com/

    I’m sure most of you know who this lady is so she needs no introduction, but just in case you don’t Anna has a lifestyle and beauty blog and is also part of the Sacconejolys a family daily vlogging channel concentrating on family life. Although most known for the Sacconejolys channel that is not why I’d want her on my blogging panel, in her own right she is an amazing influence in social media and actually started her social media career before her husband Johnathan did and this is unknown to many. She’d be a perfect example for all the women in the audience to feel empowered. With knowledge of how to be a working mum in the industry and the scrutiny, women face online. Last year she also opened up very candidly about living with an eating disorder so hearing about her journey with mental health would also be very inspiring.

    Little thoughts

                Twitter-    @hannahrainey_
                             Blog: http://littlethoughtsblog.com/

    From one strong lady to another, Little Thoughts is a beauty and lifestyle blog run by the lovely Hannah. The reason I would want her on my panel is to get an insight into how she has created her own community online. Hannah started a chat called #TalkMH, the chat is at 8:30 pm every Thursday. The aim of the chat is to educate on the topic of mental health and to create a community where people feel comfortable to share their experience and feel supported. This she certainly has done and while doing it helped and inspired many others, so on a personal level I’d love to hear more about her story and on a business level, i’d love to hear about how she built up the brand and community that is #talkMH.

    I know that’s a small panel but with all their stories I’d love to hear them in depth so I’d prefer a cosy feel to the event.

    Thank you to Eventbrite for asking me to write this post I’ve had a lot of fun thinking about my perfect panel and talking about these lovely people who’s links are all above so go and check them out! Also If you want to go to more events or are planning on creating your own and are interested in finding out more about Eventbrite, you can check their event management page.

    Lastly, i love interacting with you guys so I’d love to know who would be in your dream blogging panel? leave comments!

     

     

    A very honest account of whats it like to have Epilepsy

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    Today is purple day a day to recognize epilepsy as a serious condition and raise awareness of it. I am very passionate about raising awareness for epilepsy because it affects my life substantially but the reason i dont speak about it on my bog like i speak about having social anxiety and being a wheelchair user is because i don’t really know anything about it! The reason for this is im always in an unconscious state when i have a fit so i dont know what it feels like to have one i personally have no warning of it and cant do anything about it so because of my anxiety and needing to be in control i feel if i read up about it i would be even more frustrated  i have no control, in this case ignorance really is bliss.

    I cant give information on where to get help, meds to take like i do with my other conditions cause with epilepsy i just do what my consultant says. I cant even tell you what it feels like to have epilepsy.  I can only tell you the ways it affects my life.

    The lack of control affects my life massively every-time i cross a road on my own or do anything of that nature i’m constantly thinking what if i have a fit? This actually happened to me in the summer of 2016 i was driving my electric wheelchair on the path and i had a fit and even though i was unconscious because my hand was still on the stick i carried on driving straight onto the road. Because i was unconsciousness my body had no way of saving itself  and i ended up dislocating my shoulder breaking my arm and a bone in my foot. Luckily this was not a busy road and i had someone very kindly stop and divert the cars that did come away from me.  But every day i think well what if next time im not so lucky?

    I said id be honest so ill admit that an aspect of no control is also no control of my bladder. Now this is one of the problems with my epilepsy that i find bearable still embarrassing and annoying if i’m out and have no spare clothes but its ok. In my teen years this was a lot more distressing a lost count of how many times i was crying in the toilets because id just wet myself in the canteen or in class. Not only was it out of fear of being teased but its also psychologically hard when your having the conflict of being in-between a child and an  adult   and you wet yourself making you feel like a toddler.

    It also effects my life socially I cant go and watch 3d films or sit at the very front in the cinema which again not to much of a big deal but i do miss out on social gatherings with friends. The flash of a camera, getting to hot both things that tend to happen on a good night both trigger a fit for me.

    Lastly because of my epilepsy i cant drive now im only 20 so this hasent affected me so much yet but i know it will because most work places require you to have a drivers license. I wont be able to drive my kids to school or rush them to the hospital if needed.

    Im a very positive person and my anxiety and disability that makes me a wheelchair user suck but i can see qualities in myself that i like because of them so there is a positive outcome from it. But epilepsy nothing i get no feeling from it no learnt experience it only restricts who i am as a person not develops it and for this reason if i had one wish in life i’d be more than happy to stay in my wheelchair i just want to get rid of my epilepsy.

    I’d like to dedicate this post to lovely girl Amy who i when to school with and  sadly passed away  during an epileptic fit.

    Courtney

    Winter Wheelchair Problems

    Winter has ended *cheers* most people hate the winter its dark and cold but when your disabled and a wheelchair certain unique problems can present themselves. There are many but I’ve narrowed it down to my top 3 problems for wheelchair users in the winter:

    1.Pain related symptoms get worse

    Not everyone with a disability or in a wheelchair gets pain related symptoms but every disabled person I have spoken to does and they get worse during the winter aswell so id say this is a pretty safe generalization to make. For me personally I get painful spasms a lot when I’m cold so in the winter I basically hibernate I have friends that so come out the drink will take the pain away and granted on the night but for the following days when I’m so tight I’m struggling to move im hugely regretting going out no matter how good the night was but most of the time I still go cause you know FOMO.

    2. Our hands get cold

    This one is specifically wheelchair related but god do our wheels get cold every morning in the winter when I first touch them without fail I jump even though I know what it’s going to be like! And if someones around me at this point I occasionally go into to what looks like a toddler’s meltdown by saying to someone I’m with at the time “feel my wheels feel how cold they are *person gives strange look* FEEL THEM! ” always met by the response oh they are colder than I thought they’d be.

    And for electronic wheelchair users, the cold hand problems still exist but only on our hand that we use to operate the driving stick which for me and my bad circulation results in one normalish looking hand and a purple hand, yer it’s not a pretty sight!

     

    Snow= stuck inside

    The whole of Britain has a panic when it snows but for wheelchair users, it is a panicking time and it pretty self-explanatory why we cant move because of a wheelchairs design. When I was a kid this was upsetting when everyone else was out playing now as an adult I see it as a good excuse to stay inside and get other people to do things for me.

    Saying that though one of my best moment were had in the snow when I was 12 I went on a school trip to wales and was pulled up a mountain on a wheelchair that was designed like a mountain bike with wheelchair support it was pretty clever and one time I felt like nothing not even Winter weather could stop me.

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    Do not define yourself by your mental health

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    Hi again after over a month of not blogging as I’ve said before I love this and if I ever don’t blog for a long period of time its because of my social anxiety, which is slowly getting better after a bad month or two I might explain that in more in another post if you want me to but I’m fed up of being negative at the moment so instead I thought id share why I have decided to pluck up the courage to write this post and whats changed for me.

     

     

    While I haven’t been blogging I’ve still been reading blogs from amazing people who struggle with mental health conditions but still continually post amazing and insightful post. I was always in awe of them everytime I read a post this at times made me feel guilty that I couldn’t be as strong as them to do this and then led to my anxiety getting worse and letting negative thoughts creep in such as ” yer it doesn’t matter that your not blogging cause no one likes you anyway so they won’t care or miss you” ( sharing that bit of negativity is for the purpose of positivity I promise)

    This constant getting inspired by people and then comparing myself to people I couldn’t match up to or didn’t think I did was a rut I was getting myself into I wanted to be like these people but I just couldn’t.

    But then I had a lady who was a representative of the #timetochange campaign come into my lecture in the mental health module of my course, she was introduced as a professional and not someone with a mental health condition who had used services herself. I heard all these amazing things she had done in her career, to be honest, its a career I could only dream of and then we were told details of her mental health conditions and the depth of how serious they were.

    I was shocked, but i wasn’t shocked she was able to do this amazing job with a mental health condition I was shocked she chose to due to the nature of the parallels her mental health had with her job I can’t go into detail about what her job was but all I will say is that her colleagues also ended up being here care providers while during the times she was servilely unwell and then she would go back to work with them when she was better. I just sat there in shock that she was one brave enough to do that and not scared of stigma and two had the self-confidence that she was able to do the job with the confidence that she was still an equal to her colleagues. Questions about stigma and confidence in her abilities as a practitioner were brought up by my peers in the lecture and her replies just gave me a new outlook on my abilities both professionally and personally such as hobbies like blogging. She said:

    ” my mental health is part of me but its not all of me it also gives me a different outlook on the way I look at things which are a strength, it also helps me relate to people with mental health issues but I know that I can still treat them because everyone condition is different and I’m here today telling you all this to break the stigma so you can see that everyone with mental health is an individual and shouldn’t just be seen as their mental health”

    This amazing lady made me realise that my blogs won’t be like the other amazing peoples in this community if I do blog and if I can’t blog when I’m ill that doesn’t mean I’m less brave them then cause I might have things in life that they can’t do while they are struggling with their mental health due to our individuality as people.

    So lastly before I end this ramble I realise this post has been a bit jumpy that’s because I’ve had to miss out details and not to say how it affected my personal feeling for my fears of my abilities in my career and instead stick to how it helped with blogging because of privacy issues. but i hope i got the point across that if you have mental health issues or no someone who does don’t compare yourself to others don’t put yourself down don’t stigmatise yourself by seeing yourself as your mental health condition instead see yourself as an individual with a mental health condition who still has personality and invalid strengths and weaknesses and have confidence in yourself.

    Thank you so much for reading I hope to post again soon!

    Courtney

     

    2017 Goals

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    Personal goals

    • Stop letting people walk all over me!- Relationships whatever the nature of them aren’t perfect and in 2016 I found out just how complicated they can be. I discovered through this that people have a knack of playing on my vulnerabilities and anxiety by twisting things and making me over think what happened so I just say I was in the wrong and sorry to get rid of my anxiety. So in 2017 I’m going try and not panic when conflict happens take a step back and analyses what is actually happening hopefully that we ween out negative people in my life.
    • Do my physio program once a week- I have a physio program to strengthen my muscles and help with my cerebral palsy I have not been doing it but I’ve started to notice I get tired a lot quicker when trying to stand so I’m going to start it again. Once a week is going to be a challenge, though.
    •   Watch what I eat- I don’t eat badly I just don’t exactly have a balanced diet due to student life I tend to skip meals and eat the same meals consistently which aren’t the healthiest. so I’m forced to see what I’m eating I’m going to start posting what I eat Wednesday, but please don’t expect fanciness it’s a students diet.

    Academic goals

    • Don’t leave everything to the last minute- pretty self-explanatory but its something I regret doing last semester.
    • Do more outside reading on my subject- I like reading about my subject I don’t know why I only read the bare minimum last year!
    • Don’t be too anxious to ask for help when I need it- I was struggling with an essay last year was too anxious to say anything, thought id be thought of as stupid or taking up someone’s time if I voiced now I found out a lot of people struggled and ask for help leaving me to fail and them to pass. I’d like to say I’ve learned my lesson but the thought of asking for help still makes me anxious.

    Blog goals

    • Gain more followers- I’m still a relatively new blogger and haven’t really put as much effort into this as I want to in 2017. I hate saying numbers cause I feel too ambitious or cocky but I don’t think ill get to this amount its just my goal. I would like to have 300 blog followers ( including email subscribers+ Bloglovin) and 4500 twitter followers.
    • Post 2 times a week- I’ve been really inconsistent with my posting which is because I was adjusting to being in uni but hopefully ill be able to manage my time better and post more cause I do love it and ideally, i would like to post 3 times but I won’t get too ambitious
    • .Learn how to comment on blogs that use blogger- This one is really annoying me I love interacting with other blogs and reading their post. But whenever I go to comment on blogs that use blogger it says something about my open ID credentials not being correct when I know I’m using the correct web address. there must be a way to sort this out i will find out in 2017.

    Wishing you all a productive 2017 where all your goals are met. Please comment below and tell me what yours are so we can motivate each other.

    luxiourous treats for new years

    Recently it was my birthday and on Sunday me and my family had a little get together to celebrate, i was spoilt but not with presents with yummy food they certainly  know the way to my heart ! A good thing about having your birthday so close to festive celebrations is you find loads of new things that you like that would be good to treat yourself with at family party’s of get together. i loved the food i had for my birthday and thought they’d  be perfect for a new years celebration so i want to show you all what i had.

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    Scrumptious chocolate cupcakes- Thorntons

    These were  Delicious i don’t know the price cause they were a birthday present from a friend of mine and it would be rude to check, but there are 3 flavors within it chocolate, raspberry and vanilla.      All 3 have a creamy topping then a thicker filling at the bottom with hard chocolate coating. one word of warning though the raspberry one is quite sharp so if your not a fan of flavors like that you wont like all of them, but overall the products so good the only bad thing i can say about them is there too moreish i ate 6 in one day.2016-12-23-20-42-05 

    The power of loneliness

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    Hi lovely person who keeps reading even though my contents been rubbish lately! I  f you have read my last two posts ( mental health update! + what I did when i went home to help my mental health you will know i have been struggling with my mental health. Well im slightly ashamed to say over the last week that has led me to make some decisions i’m not proud of, letting  people back into my life who don’t deserve it and possibly getting back into a relationship with one of them. I just did this cause i felt so worthless and almost grateful that they would even want to talk to someone like me if i’m honest… oh god this got more honest than i thought i would.

    I wasn’t even expecting to write this post, but something just happened that made me snap out of it a bit! So i thought id share as the aim of my blog is mental health awareness so i might help someone else who’s feeling like this who knows?!

    So what happened is i told my room mate what i was planning to do, he said nothing but ok he didn’t need to say anything else the look on his face told me something was wrong he looked heartbroken. My anxiety brain switched straight to thoughts like have i done something to upset him? Has he heard negative stuff about this other guy? But when i asked him what the matter was, “he said i don’t want to ever see you hurt you deserve so much better someone you like and gives a shit about you.”

    In that moment i knew i had someone who gave a shit. Yes he may not be someone who makes me feel like the only girl in the word or someone to cuddle at night but their just words and easy actions anyone can do. That look on his face you cant fake.

    I felt truly cared about and liked by someone and i’m sure everyone does if not more than 1 person i mean i have my family as well but i kind of feel like they have to care. What i’m trying to say is know your own self worth know that you are amazing and only keep the people who can see that to in your life because people you just let in because your feeling lonely will help temporarily, but more than often will end up making you feel worse.

     

    what I did when i went home to help my mental health

    Hi everyone, first of all thank you for the on my last post where I explained that i’m having a difficult time with my social anxiety.  ( previous post here ) In the post i said to try and help me clear my mind i was planning to go home to relax from the pressure there is to socialise that there is in uni. I know a lot of people struggle with winding down so i thought i do a post about what I did.

    First of as soon as i wheeled through the door i got a hug from my mum and an insult from my little brother  i was officially home, it was also just lovely to catch up see if everyone in the family is ok and then catch up on the pointless family gossip everyone has.   After that my dad brought us a Chinese takeaway you have no idea how happy this made me i have just a simple sweet and sour chicken balls and chips but for someone who’s been eating mainly pasta at uni the flavoring and the fat was just food heaven. my family even said i looked like i had been in i’m a celeb i eat it so fast! This was one of the reasons i knew i could relax at home for one i don’t have to cook or wash up which is very hard to do and tiring because of my cerebral palsy but i also wont get judged for how i eat or if i have a hand spasm and drop some food on the floor.

    Now that i had stuffed my face i went to do something i had been dying to do for weeks, listen to Nathan Sykes album unfinished business full blast with headphones on. I hadn’t been able to do this at uni because my laptop there doesent have a jack to plug in the headphones but i knew it would help cause music is a big distraction for me as it takes my mind of things and im huge fan of Nathans so i can just fan girl as well.

    I spent the rest of my time carry on catching up with family playing rubbish but addictive apps and binging on gavin and stacy.

    I wouldn’t say my time at home has completely cured the problem i was having cause i still haven’t left the flat since ive been back but i definitely feel less overwhelmed by my situation and like ill never go out again and a failure, Ive never really believed in self care but it turns out my favorite food family and favorite tv really can help.

    If anyone relates to this or has an self care tips comment below 🙂

     

    mental health update!

    hi everyone firstly i apologise for the lack of posts, i was just starting to get regular readers then i stop posting *well done Courtney*  the reason for the lack of posts however is over the last two weeks my mental health state had decreased.

    For those of you who don’t know I have social anxiety, (which is why the blogs called what it is) i noticed my worries getting worse as in just a bit more cautious  with things like going to the uni library on my own about a week ago but i had only just managed to do this in the last month anyway because of fears of being intimidated in a silent place of being judged for being on my own so because it was a new thing for me i put it down to being a fluke or something like that, which looking back now is just putting my self down without even realising it.   Other things that have been different is i had no passion to do anything essays  blog posting and for me this was unusual cause  i love blogging and im so passionate about my course I had no reason for this lack of wanting to do things apart from it will be rubbish anyway which to be honest is a normal thing i tell myself on a daily basis but i normally manage to do it anyway.

    I finally came to the realisation that i had hit a bad patch in terms of mental health when i was getting really irritable one night i had a go at my poor mum down the phone and she did absolutely  nothing wrong. Once i put the phone down i felt awful and went to my flatmate “why am i such a horrible person” her reply was “apart from lectures you haven’t been out of the house in 3 weeks, shall we go out for dinner”   i hadent even realised that i hadent been out but a soon as she mentioned going out i was just struck with fear my heart raced, i was shaking and i couldn’t even think of excuses not to go out which im normally pretty good at if im having an anxious day.

    These symptoms of not even realising im struggling are new for me cause i normally overthink overthink everything. im not quite sure what im going to do but im going home for a bit tommorow to see if a bit of tlc from my family will work.

    Sorry if this has been a bit of a ramble post but if anyone has had this type of thing id love some advice and if anyone is struggling as always get in touch with me (links on the contact page)

    Halloween- A time of heighten anxiety for me

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    Halloween is painted as the time of year that’s fun and exciting for children and an excuse to be wild, unique and let’s be honest a different type of “fun” for teenagers. As young child I did look at it like this, through a child’s eyes it was a magical time; when I did really think I turned into a witch (i don’t know if I had a really vivid imagination or it was my mum watching charmed that made me believe I could be a witch) but because I did I felt like I was a character and looked forward to being able to do that every year. However at about the age of about 9 eventually I came to the realisation that I was still just me but in an outfit. At the age of 9, I had no clue why this made me uncomfortable as I didn’t know social norms or anything about mental health but still remember so vividly feeling so uneasy about the fact that people were giving me more attention than I normally would get because of what I was wearing. The thought of judgement didn’t even come into my head because I hadn’t fully developed that concept in my mind yet. All I knew was i did not like the attention one bit!

    Over the next couple of years, I would not take part in Halloween activity’s just to avoid the attention it came with. This tacit to control my anxiety around Halloween worked well until I got to the point where I hit secondary school and everyone was having Halloween themed parties and trickle treating. Not that I got invited to many parties but I did once and I just didn’t go because not only would I be getting attention by going to a party in costume and now was in secondary school fully aware of what judgement was and I was feeling what I now know to be social anxiety. The invite brought up so many things in my head that could lead to judgements that I just didn’t go. Questions such as what if my costume doesn’t look scary enough? What if it looks too childish ? What if I look anxious and people think it’s because I’m scared of some silly costumes and decorations when really I’m anxious about what their thinking of me? They will try to scare me ill jump even if I’m not scared cause of my nerve damage due to my disability and then I just look like a massive idiot? Even though when I think about it logically I realise most of the answers to the questions above are they won’t I still a week ago had the same questions and worries pop into my head when I heard there is a Halloween party at my uni that I’m unfortunately to anxious to go to.

    One Halloween tradition I didn’t turn down and have tried is trickle treating at the age of 13. I was more excited for this at first because even though I was 13 I hadn’t been allowed out to do it before cause mum thought it would be too dangerous for a group of teenagers hyped up on sugar to push my wheelchair in pitch black. (at the time I thought this was highly unfair looking back now and seeing how many times I was nearly tipped out because of a pot hole or narrow path she was crazy to even let me do it even at 13) But back to the point of the trickle treating story and probably the point of the whole post as it was while doing this I figured out why Halloween made me so uncomfortable. I remember feeling rude knocking on people’s doors asking for sweets, thinking it’s not on a normal thing to do I’ve been to friends houses repeatedly and would never ask for anything I’d wait to be offered so how was it ok and not rude or wrong to go up to strangers demanding sweets? I also remember not knowing how to gauge these people’s reactions some would be miserable and just shove the bowl in our faces others would spray us with water. I remember the anticipation of the reaction of the person behind the door was going to be sending my heart racing.

    Now at the age of 19, i can analyse all these thoughts and feelings I have around Halloween and no why they make me feel like this, well as good as any non-trained professionals can anyway. As a person with diagnosed social anxiety, the social norms that I had learned to use to protect myself from being judged or looking stupid were gone I just had to do what I felt right or wanted to do in the situation at that time which left me feeling vulnerable and in all honesty terrified.

    So to anyone celebrating Halloween, this year do have fun cause I’m sure it’s a great day and I know your right and it is just a bit of fun and it’s my anxiety riddled brain that’s creating these problems but please just be aware that people around you might be feeling like I do on Halloween.

    Wow, that was kind of like theraphy, in the end, thanks if you made it to the very end of this post it was a long one. And as always any experiences you wanted to tell me or questions to ask please comment below or tweet me.

    Courtney x

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