mental health update!

hi everyone firstly i apologise for the lack of posts, i was just starting to get regular readers then i stop posting *well done Courtney*  the reason for the lack of posts however is over the last two weeks my mental health state had decreased.

For those of you who don’t know I have social anxiety, (which is why the blogs called what it is) i noticed my worries getting worse as in just a bit more cautious  with things like going to the uni library on my own about a week ago but i had only just managed to do this in the last month anyway because of fears of being intimidated in a silent place of being judged for being on my own so because it was a new thing for me i put it down to being a fluke or something like that, which looking back now is just putting my self down without even realising it.   Other things that have been different is i had no passion to do anything essays  blog posting and for me this was unusual cause  i love blogging and im so passionate about my course I had no reason for this lack of wanting to do things apart from it will be rubbish anyway which to be honest is a normal thing i tell myself on a daily basis but i normally manage to do it anyway.

I finally came to the realisation that i had hit a bad patch in terms of mental health when i was getting really irritable one night i had a go at my poor mum down the phone and she did absolutely  nothing wrong. Once i put the phone down i felt awful and went to my flatmate “why am i such a horrible person” her reply was “apart from lectures you haven’t been out of the house in 3 weeks, shall we go out for dinner”   i hadent even realised that i hadent been out but a soon as she mentioned going out i was just struck with fear my heart raced, i was shaking and i couldn’t even think of excuses not to go out which im normally pretty good at if im having an anxious day.

These symptoms of not even realising im struggling are new for me cause i normally overthink overthink everything. im not quite sure what im going to do but im going home for a bit tommorow to see if a bit of tlc from my family will work.

Sorry if this has been a bit of a ramble post but if anyone has had this type of thing id love some advice and if anyone is struggling as always get in touch with me (links on the contact page)

Nathan Sykes top 5 vocal performances


The next few post are going to be slightly different as my favorite artists and one of my favorite all round person album is coming out.  Nathan’s first solo album titled unfinished business is being released on the 11th of November.So to show my support over the next few days i’m going to be doing posts to show you more about him and hopefully that will show you why you should my the album! Most of you may have heard him but although he is mainstream he doesn’t really in my opinion have the recognition for how  much of a truly talented and creative artist he is. I could ramble on about this and just give you a biased account of why he’s amazing but i thought for the 1st post i do id let the vocals speak for themselves.( its very annoying that wordpress wont let you upload videos on a free plan! you’ll have to press the links but i promise it will be worth it )

So here in my opinion are Nathan’s top 5 vocal performances:

5.Over & Over Again- live piano version

4. Cover of Shawn Mendes- Stitches

3. Kiss Me Quick- live from times square

2. More Than You’ll Know acoustic

1. Cover of Smokey robinson’s- Who’s Loving You

Noticing sexism on the x factor


I’ve been wanting to do a post on a few negative comments/behaviors I’ve seen towards women on the X factor for a while. However I was hesitant to because it is just a TV show they are not outrageous comments and with issues such as equality in whatever form  you kind of have to pick your battles, so your not excused of being just over PC.

For 3 weeks prior to this weeks show i have sat back at watched Simon  throw out the jealous of other women card to Nicole whenever she criticizes one of his acts. Comments like this are degrading to her ability as a judge because she is a women. Whatever you may think of her judging ability good or bad surely it is wrong to brush aside her comments and say shes just saying that because shes a jealous bitchy woman?     Put it this way would Louis  ever say to Simon “oh your just jealous of my boy band because they are younger males” No he’d be laughed at for saying that because people would be thinking why would Simon Cowell with his money, reputation and career want to be a bunch of wannabe singers up on that stage?  So why is it that in society we think the most important things to women are their age and looks compared to other women with people not taking into consideration the merit of how Nicole judges and the success she has had in her own right with a career as a singer. I’m not outraged by these comments as I said before. Im not outraged because i’m sure they were throw away comments to make a entertaining TV show . I just thought id write about it because when the possible meaning of the words are unpicked it tells us something interesting about how men and women are treated differently within society.

Comments that are bothering me a bit more are Louis opinions on girl groups because they are constant, so are clearly not throw away comments and therefore have sexist intentions behind them.   I wont go into that in this post because i wanted it to be just a short post to get you thinking about the way genders are unintentionally treated differently within society.    and Louis comments are intentionally sexist in my opinion so it would be a whole different topic   .

However if you want me to write a post about that please comment below or tell me on twitter. I’d also love to hear when you think about throw away comments about women.

Halloween- A time of heighten anxiety for me


Halloween is painted as the time of year that’s fun and exciting for children and an excuse to be wild, unique and let’s be honest a different type of “fun” for teenagers. As young child I did look at it like this, through a child’s eyes it was a magical time; when I did really think I turned into a witch (i don’t know if I had a really vivid imagination or it was my mum watching charmed that made me believe I could be a witch) but because I did I felt like I was a character and looked forward to being able to do that every year. However at about the age of about 9 eventually I came to the realisation that I was still just me but in an outfit. At the age of 9, I had no clue why this made me uncomfortable as I didn’t know social norms or anything about mental health but still remember so vividly feeling so uneasy about the fact that people were giving me more attention than I normally would get because of what I was wearing. The thought of judgement didn’t even come into my head because I hadn’t fully developed that concept in my mind yet. All I knew was i did not like the attention one bit!

Over the next couple of years, I would not take part in Halloween activity’s just to avoid the attention it came with. This tacit to control my anxiety around Halloween worked well until I got to the point where I hit secondary school and everyone was having Halloween themed parties and trickle treating. Not that I got invited to many parties but I did once and I just didn’t go because not only would I be getting attention by going to a party in costume and now was in secondary school fully aware of what judgement was and I was feeling what I now know to be social anxiety. The invite brought up so many things in my head that could lead to judgements that I just didn’t go. Questions such as what if my costume doesn’t look scary enough? What if it looks too childish ? What if I look anxious and people think it’s because I’m scared of some silly costumes and decorations when really I’m anxious about what their thinking of me? They will try to scare me ill jump even if I’m not scared cause of my nerve damage due to my disability and then I just look like a massive idiot? Even though when I think about it logically I realise most of the answers to the questions above are they won’t I still a week ago had the same questions and worries pop into my head when I heard there is a Halloween party at my uni that I’m unfortunately to anxious to go to.

One Halloween tradition I didn’t turn down and have tried is trickle treating at the age of 13. I was more excited for this at first because even though I was 13 I hadn’t been allowed out to do it before cause mum thought it would be too dangerous for a group of teenagers hyped up on sugar to push my wheelchair in pitch black. (at the time I thought this was highly unfair looking back now and seeing how many times I was nearly tipped out because of a pot hole or narrow path she was crazy to even let me do it even at 13) But back to the point of the trickle treating story and probably the point of the whole post as it was while doing this I figured out why Halloween made me so uncomfortable. I remember feeling rude knocking on people’s doors asking for sweets, thinking it’s not on a normal thing to do I’ve been to friends houses repeatedly and would never ask for anything I’d wait to be offered so how was it ok and not rude or wrong to go up to strangers demanding sweets? I also remember not knowing how to gauge these people’s reactions some would be miserable and just shove the bowl in our faces others would spray us with water. I remember the anticipation of the reaction of the person behind the door was going to be sending my heart racing.

Now at the age of 19, i can analyse all these thoughts and feelings I have around Halloween and no why they make me feel like this, well as good as any non-trained professionals can anyway. As a person with diagnosed social anxiety, the social norms that I had learned to use to protect myself from being judged or looking stupid were gone I just had to do what I felt right or wanted to do in the situation at that time which left me feeling vulnerable and in all honesty terrified.

So to anyone celebrating Halloween, this year do have fun cause I’m sure it’s a great day and I know your right and it is just a bit of fun and it’s my anxiety riddled brain that’s creating these problems but please just be aware that people around you might be feeling like I do on Halloween.

Wow, that was kind of like theraphy, in the end, thanks if you made it to the very end of this post it was a long one. And as always any experiences you wanted to tell me or questions to ask please comment below or tweet me.

Courtney x


Hospital visits & family time

Hi lovely people who read this… i’m getting followers and readers and not really posting i’m grateful for you all!

Anyway time to start the post, i don’t really know how to define the point of this one i would call it a life update but nothing really gone on in my life to justify calling it an update so more of catch up of what i’m up to at the moment.

Well on Thursday night i made my first visit to Chichester hospital i had to try it out at sometime didn’t I, I mean id gone 3 weeks fending for myself at uni without no hospital visit i was quite proud of that. I was really worried actually jokes aside because i called out the first responder thinking oh ill just get checked out cause flatmates slightly worried and im feeling slightly crap then ill have peace of mind that im fine. But know he came took one look at my purple hands and feet felt my fast heart rate and checked my low blood pressure i was going to hospital at this point i went from feeling crap to thinking oh crap. But that panic was slightly lessened by  the caring and warm welcome i had from the a&e staff and well the slightly dishy guy they put me in the bay next to but he was with his dad and mates so there was no way i was talking to him so no update on the love life front yet soz guys. I got away from the topic a bit there by talking about the cute guy in a&e time to get back on topic! So the verdict on whats wrong with me is maybe kidney stones or woman’s problems im going for a couple of scans to find out. Even though its painful i’m hoping it kidney stones because even though its painful woman’s problems are just complicated and take ages to treat!  And well i’m a Friends geek and whenever i hear kidney stones i just see this in my  head… kidney-stones

In happier news I’ve come home for some family time to celebrate my little (not so little anymore) brothers 15th birthday. Its been lovely being home there is definitely a different happiness that your family can give you to your friends catching up with everyone’s been really nice. Also there’s the home cooked food thats just wow when you have been having microwave meals is just mind blowing! My granny made the whole family a huge Sunday roast and i was going to be a good artistic blogger and take a picture of it but i couldn’t wait to stuff it down my gob if im honest.

So that is all from me, health updates, family time and probably by the time i go back to uni an update about how much weight I’ve put on from the amount of food I’ve eaten! I have never really done just a chatty life post before so if you like this kind of thing from me please tell me in the comments below. Again thanks for reading 🙂

Courtney x


2016 mental health day compared to 2015, what a diffrence a year makes

First of all so for the lack of post, far too many reasons for it to explain but i couldn’t let mental health awareness day go past without acknowledging it.  So yesterday the 10th of October was mental health awareness day which caused me to sit back and reflect on my own mental state which i try and do as little as possible cause overthinking about myself is a massive trigger for me.  But i was pleasantly surprised by what i discovered if i think back to the post i wrote for mental health awareness day 2015 on my old blog you’d think it was a different person writing it, i was crying as i wrote for a start! I just felt like i was forever going to be stuck in my room to anxious to ever leave there and forever thinking i’m not good enough. Now im writing this post 2& a half hours away from my bedroom in my new home, training to be in a very high pressured career. obviously its taken a lot of hard work that i haven’t documented online to get to this point and i still have social anxiety, i’m even getting anxious writing this now thinking everyone reading this is going  to think im full of myself or bragging.

Im not bragging but i wanted to do this post cause it made me happy when i used to read peoples improvements posts, but i also used to be slightly annoyed when they didnt tell me how they had achieved it cause i wanted to get better so badly. So ill tell you reading this but with a note of caution doing this will not work for everyone and may even trigger some people. 

So how i think i got slightly better was i turned my triggers into a strength so my brain is always active over analyses and overthinking normal about situations that i have done something stupid in or thinking someone doesn’t like me. So now when that happens i turn that overthinking into not thinking about myself but thinking about a topic within society like sociology philosophy or psychology and i write an essay on it and that thinking about other topics at the end of it puts my anxious thoughts into prospective. I know my version is incredible geeky and this is very personal to me but what i suggest is find what triggers you and what happens to you during that bad mental health spell and put that energy into something that loosely related to it but twist it  to be positive.

But obviously this doesn’t work in every situation just last night i had to come home from a party cause i was anxious and i really didn’t think it would be appropriate to start writing an essay in that setting!

Do you have any tips on how you improved your mental health if you do please share them in the comments or tweet them me @mrssykeswannabe, with the hashtag mentalhealthawaress

Everyone’s mental health recovery is unique 

Last night I  took part in my first mental health chat on twitter. (#MHchat) What was a very positive experience and left me personally feeling supported was tarnished by a few ignorant comments such as “people should stop banging on about mental health ” and the very noticeably  ignorant  comment “just go for a walk to cure mental health” which shock horror doesnt work! Anyway before I start ranting about the people who made the comments I’ll stop talking about them and move on to the reason I’m writing this post.

During the chat I saw three reoccurring questions and topics being talked about these were:  How they were scared /unsure how to get treatment? If they needed treatment? What kind of treatment to choose? So as I started this blog to help people I thought I’d do by best to give advice and reassure people on those issues because I know from myself if someone like the people on twitter belittle mental health issues it can make you even more unsure of your own very REAL  problems your  going through. But please don’t listen to them and listen to people who understand and want to help you. But PEP talk over and onto giving that help by trying to answer  the 3 questions I mentioned earlier.

  • Scared to get treatment and unsure how to?

Many people are scared to get treatment for mental health problems due to the negative stereotypes relating to the type of people who get mental health treatment, and the negative connotations to the treatment itself. All I can say is people judge and make assumption on things they don’t understand. I know from personal experience it can be very hard to rationalize in your head that people are saying unhelpful  and sometimes very mean things about mental health or your personal mental health because they do not understand what you’re going through, because at a time where you feel your most vulnerable and insecure ignorance can be so damaging. But please do be brave enough and confident enough to seek treatment because if the reason you are not seeking treatment for your mental health is other people’s comments then in the long run your going to do more damage to your own health by not  getting treatment than any comment could! And of course all mental health treatment is confidential so even though it helps to have a support network when having treatment nobody even has to know your having any. On topic of how do you get mental health treatment I’m not medically trained so even though I have been through the process i would not want to give you misleading information so i will leave some links relating to UK mental health help at the bottom of this post.

  • Do I need treatment?

The thing I’d personally think about to answer this question is how much is your mental health effecting your happiness and daily life. Mental health is a subjective thing only you can feel and know what you’re going through no one can read minds so unless your showing physical signs of hurting yourself or others no one has the right to tell you if you should or should not get treatment. ( I know its controversial to say people have the right to send you to treatment if you self harm but that’s just my personal opinion) A common thing i see is people saying i dont think im unwell enough or desrve to get treatment. Well it doesnt matter if you look at your friend/family member and think well their mental health seems worse than mine so I don’t need treatment. This is not the case! First of all just like people can’t read your mind you cant read theirs, you might have exactly the same severity of mental health issues but their just more open to talk about it then you or they show more physical symptoms than you do and again you can see physical things not mental making it seem like they are more severe. But secondly so what if they are worse than you? Should  you not get the right to treatment to make you happy and live your life without the barriers that mental health brings just cause somebody else has it worse? Of course you should still get treatment you only get one life and that life is yours no one elses so you owe to yourself to be as happy and do as many things as you want to in your life. So to sum up you need treatment if you feel your personal quality of life could be improved by having it.

  • What kind of treatment should I have? 

To a certain extent this is again your choice. I’ve seen lots of people say that drugs make them feel numb or CBT didn’t work for them or relaxation and breathing therapy didnt work for them ( I tried the relaxation approach it didnt work for me ) but try at first at least to ignore other people’s opinions on treatments and listen to the professionals  because like i said mental health is subjective it  might not have worked for them but may work for you. However if you try the treatment plan suggested by a medical profesional  and it isn’t working for you i would always suggest telling them or getting a second opinion because as i said they will be medically trained so have a good idea how to treat your condition but mental health is so personal and subjective that only you know if you are improving or not. About the types of medical  treatment again i am not a trained professional so i will make sure the links i leave below explain them for you.

That’s all the questions i wanted to answer. Thank you so much for reading. I am being a complete hypocrite here because if someone has made negative comments to be about my mental health i would never have been able to say the things i have said to you to myself! I hope one day the ignorance sounding mental health can stop i didn’t want to go into too much detail bout what happened on twitter because i didnt want them to get anymore attention so instead i thought id piss them off by banging on about mental health even more while trying to help people in the process as always leave what you think in the comments. Tweet me or dm if you want to chat at anytime my username is @mrssykeswannabe

nhs pages : how to acsess nhs mental health services

a list of mh disorders for more info

non medical support: young minds a site with mh info for children and teens

childline free confidential support for anyone under the age of 19

samaritans free confidential help for adults

mind a charity providing mh support and info



A whole lot of questions tag

So the time has come my first tag post, i was nominated to do this by the lovely Courtney (another Courtney i haven’t nominated myself) The tag is as it sounds just a whole load of questions and as this is a new blog i thought it would be a good tag to do to get to know more about me. So let’s get started..

Apple juice or orange juice?

Apple juice, orange is far to harsh for the morning time and you know there is the issue of bits.

Are you a morning or a night person?

100% a night person! I think id go as far to say i sleep in the daytime not at night which sadly will need to change when summer ends.

Which do you prefer sweet or salty food?

Definitely sweet.

Ninja’s or Pirates?

Ninjas, who wouldn’t want to be fast and mysterious?!

Autobots or decepticons?

I’ve googled this as I had no idea what is and as i had to google it i really don’t think i can have a preference haha.

What was your favorite childhood TV program?

Thats so Raven. At the time i just loved all the characters and found it funny but now i see how it actually promoted equality to kids in the form of race and sizing, can Disney channel please start doing that again please! Plus the theme tune was so good.

Are you a collector of anything?

When i was younger i used to collect charity badges.

If you could be an animal, what would it be?

A cat as its unsociable moody but still wants to be loved.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

The power to fly, and well as i’m a wheelchair user the reason id choose that power is pretty obvious.

What do you normally think about before you go to sleep?

There is no in-between here its either daydreaming about the nicest things my ultimate dreams and goals coming true. Or overthink ever stupid/bad thing that’s ever happened in my life and thinking of everything that could go wrong in the future. But either way there both not ideal as they both keep me awake!

Do you believe in E.T or life on other planets?

I don’t i just think we will have seen something by now if there is.

Do you believe in ghosts?

I don’t know i usually only believe in things like this when i can see them so i would have said no, but the other day i was getting upset and wanted to talk to a close friend of mine that has died. My phone suddenly flashed open to my screensaver of her, i checked and i know text messages come through no notifications on any apps ( i checked them all) and nothing needed updating and the battery was fine. I have never believed in them but honestly i have no other explanation apart from it being her doing.

Have you ever been addicted to a video/computer game? (which ones?)

Crash bandicoot the cortex one was basically my childhood and id still play it now if i could #noshame haha

You’re given a million dollars, what do you want to spend it on?

  • id give some back back to the NHS (UK heath system) as i wouldn’t be here without them today.
  • My dads a builder so id by some land and we would build a fully accessible house adapted to my needs and make sure a pool was included.
  • And lastly do some traveling round america and I’ve always wanted to go to Italy.

Any bad habits?

Biting my nails

Which bad habits (if any) drive you crazy?

  • loud chewing
  • gulping
  • bad manners
  • whistling

List 3 of your best personality traits?

I would say: determined, thoughtful and loyal.

List 3 of your worst personality traits?

I overthink everything, stubborn and i let other peoples opinions cloud my own judgement.

Any celeb crushes?

Nathan Sykes (crush/ completely adore the guy haha)

Name one thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish i didn’t have epilepsy and the short answer to why is i have a lot of disabilities but this one interferes with my life the most and well I could only change one thing!

Whats the first thing you notice in the opposite sex?

Their height cause im so short being sat down all the time in a wheelchair its very noticeably awkward if a guy is like 6ft+ and i’m 4ft 5 .

What personality traits do you look for in a partner?

  • Ambition
  • Amazing sense of humor
  • Gentlemanly manners
  • Thoughtful
  • Introverted like me but still pushes me to do new things once in a while
  • Family orientated
  • Treats everyone as equals

so if anyone knows anyone like that um let me know please 😉

What personality traits do you dislike in others?

  • The feeling of self importance
  • Immaturity
  • Non appreciative
  • Rudeness

Are you mostly a clean or messy person?

Both in different ways. Im messy in like in a clutter and stuff kind of way but im clean in hygiene sense cause i have a fear of germ so every time i touch that stuff i cant be bothered to move i get the anti bacterial gel out. Yer being lazy and afraid of germs is a strange and difficult mix has you can see.

Do you see yourself getting married in the next 5 years?

No but purely because i’m single right now. But even though at the most id only be 24 in 5 years, id never base my answer to a proposal on the age i am when its right its right. Honestly made that answer up as i as typing it what a romantic i am haha!

If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live?

I wouldent want to live anywhere but the UK such a homley person.

If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?


List 5 life goals on your to do list?

  • Become a qualified social worker
  • Buy my dream house
  • Be happily in love
  • D0 something in the memory of Rhi ( the friend that died mentioned eairlier)
  • Have a child

Name one thing you regret?

Not returning feelings i had for someone even though i had them and that resulted in me loosing them. Yer i dont think im going to go into more detail in this one haha

Name one thing you miss about being a kid?

No responsibility for sure i took for granted all the stuff my mum just did for me!

Name one thing you love about being an adult?

This has only really started to happen in the last few month but im so much sure of who i am, my own morals and opinions and im becoming confident in that. so I hope that develops cause it would be fun to see if they change overtime and where them thoughts and feelings can take me.

Whats your favorite song at the moment?

Its old but I’ve just discovered it, Say You Love Me by Jessie Ware

Whats your favorite song of all time?

Living Louder- The Cab

Whats your favorite thing to do on a Saturday night?

Go out for a meal with friends.

Whats your favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon ?

Visit my grandparents

Do you have any talents?

Nope i’m completely talent-less.

You’re about to walk the green mile, what do you have for your last meal?

Oh god how do you choose this…. after a long time thinking im going to have to go with my granny’s home cooked roast with a New York cheesecake for pudding.

What is your dream job?

I have two that id like to both my dream would be to host a breakfast radio show then for the rest of the day be a social worker. Kind of opposite jobs i dont think they would mix very well sadly .

Would you rather have 100 million pounds/dollars or true love?

True love

If you could have 3 wishes granted what would they be?

  • For everyone i love to be healthy meaning they would stay/still be in my life.
  • To not have epilepsy.
  • To get a second chance to repair a relationship that my anxiety got in the way of.

Ever wish you were born the opposite sex, if so why?

Yes about once every month. I don’t really think that needs an explanation!

what an answer to end on haha,

thanks again Courtney for the nomination i don’t know who has or hasn’t done it so i wont nominate but if you want to do it do it and id love to read them so send me links in the comments or on my twitter @mrssykeswannabe 🙂

Thoughts everyone with social anxiety will have going back to school

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This year is the first year  I haven’t spent the first weekend of September a crying and shaking mess, as its the first year im not going back to school (im offically a grown up yay!) But i’ve been seeing on twitter that a lot of people who follow me are feeling like this  so i thought  i’d let you know you’re not alone by sharing what i used to think and sharing advice on the topic
So here were my main anxious thoughts when going back to school:

  1.  Nobody would want to speak to me and id be sat all on my own at break and lunch times.
  2. There would be nobody in my new classes that id like or get on with and id be left out of all group participation.
  3. Because I didn’t go out with the others during the summer due to social anxiety they would think i was rude and boring and id be out of the friendship group.
  4. Id have a panic attack going through the nightmare of a corridor crush.
  5. That one piece of home work I hadent done would be the end of the world give me a detention and being the good girl i am i used to dread detention.

Now more than likely this thoughts are completely untrue your friends will be glad to see you again and going back to school will be a lot easier than you think.  But if you do find your self in some of these situations above here is my advice to deal with them.

  • If you do find no where to sit and have to sit on your try not to over think it and think what over people will be  thinking of you for doing that.
  • If you have a field you’re aloud to sit on at break and lunch times sit there as there are no specfic seats so it wont be obvious to anyone that your sitting on your own because there are no seats or anyone to sit with, you will just be seen as having a chill out time on your own by choice.
  • Nobody can choose what classes there put into everybody is in the same boat hear this is out of your hands try not to worry and the good thing is if your not with your mates you might actually get some work done!
  • Some people have panic attacks its nothing you can control which is the scariest part of it i know but i just want to point that out so you dont blame yourself.
  • To reduce the likleyhood of a panic attack heres a few things you can do: learn diffrent/quieter ways for you to get where you nees to go.  If you dont mind your condition being know by those around you, you couuld speak to the school about being aloud to and from classes early so you avoid the crush of people. Try your best to rationalize your thoughts, yes its busy and people are touching you/getting aggitated but the reason for this is not because they want to hurt you or there annoyed with you its cause everyone annoyed at how little space there is in the corridoor and there only touching you cause they physically have to.
  • As for homework if you dont do it cause your lazy i have no symphaty but if you are generally are stuck teachers can normally tell and understand the best thing to do is go and speak to  them before class or in future email them its not that scary i promise and if they have what you have said in writing your less likley to be accused of just being lazy and not doing it.
  • And just one last piece of advice everything on that list of worries did happen to me sereval times it felt like the complete end of the world at the time. Now i still get upset that i missed out on school being “the best time of your life” like everyone says but i really dont care what anyone said or thought about me. So if anything bad happens speak to your parents school or friends no matter how small because overthinking and not talking about a problem creates more aneixty and can make it feel like the biggest thing in the word .

also as allways please comment below your ecxpirences/feelings on this or if you need someone to talk to privatly dm on twitter @mrssykeswannabe



Words have an impact please be careful how you use them

I haven’t had the best day today mental health wise, I went shopping in a big center in and due to the social anxiety i have i was already very nervous, constantly thinking everyone that couldn’t get passed my wheelchair was just judging me and hating the fact i was even there.   I have social anxiety in the form of i’m worried about saying the wrong thing, making a fool of myself or being judged, when i say judged i don’t mean my appearance i couldn’t care less i just go out in jeans t shirt and no make up everyday. What I worry about is how people perceive my character and actions, i pride myself on being a good person so for people to think or judge any personality flaw i have hurts me which is stupid because everyone has personality flaws i know!

So now  I’ve done the back ground ill go into what made me want to write the post, this might be a bit hard cause i’m trying to be discrete about who was involved and what the thing that upset was specifically about which i know wont make the most gripping of posts but I hope ill still get my point across.

While i was shopping with these people who are very close to me they made a comment about a hypothetical thing im going to do and said i would be embarrassing, this wasn’t a silly little sing like just embarrassing dancing, this was a normal human interaction that is what i struggle with and they said the word embarrassing. Just one word made me think about my actions all day for the rest of the day i went over past interactions of the same type in my head in the end i just got so anxious and worked up i cried. The people’s reactions to me where “oh we have hit a nerve!” Yes you hit a nerve and the worst part of it is you no me well enough to know my insecurities and to know that would hit a nerve and i think thats what angered me. Any form of mental health issues in individual to each person the things that trigger the same condition can vary from person to person so of course i’m not going to be super sensitive if a stranger says a comment that makes me anxious i mean don’t get  me wrong ill still overthink it but i wont be angry or take it to heart as much.

The whole situation got me thinking how words can come see easily but be have such an affect on someone. So be careful and kind with your words in every case but if you know somebody with a mental health issue learn their triggers and if there comfortable talking about it talk to them about the kind of things that can be said and how it makes them feel. This will do two things, one your less likely to trigger them in the future and two you can tell them that you dont see them in the light they clearly see themselves and talk to them how there feeling. If they are comfortable doing this then you making that effort will mean so much to them.

Have you had any the experience i had when someone has worded things in a way that effected you? or hopefully have had the experience where people have took time learn about and help you? i’d love to hear about them tweet me @mrssykeswannabe or leave comments down below.


The shame of watching Big Brother


I wasn’t planning on writing this post at all until i just had the awful moment where the result of Big Brother made me angry, i actually cared enough for a program i should hate to make me angry. I’ve always hated the behavior seen on Big Brother  i think when one of my friends said why don’t i watch it a few months ago i replied “why would you want to watch people who get paid for having the morals of an ally cat on TV.” Every single word in that sentence i still think is correct apart from want change want to should! Because the behavior in there as been disgusting, foul language, cheating and at times just plain bullying. But still there I am hooked to my TV every night and even worse i missed the episode where Bears girlfriend came in and i stayed up till 3am to watch it on catch up *hides behind pillow in shame*, so what is it about something that i should hate in all senses i love. Whether its getting angry at Bears behavior, Lewis making my skin crawl with how manipulative he is or lines that make me laugh such as the classic “my nans more famous than you”  everything has created an emotion maybe more than a brilliant drama would.

If i put my psychology A level to use id say that real human personalities creating real emotions from other people will always be entaining because of human nature. I want to see who clicks with each  other and who doesn’t. When i see real anger of upset ill naturally feel more connected in the story because it creates an emotion in me. and the nosyness element as well cant be ruled out the lack of privacy just leads us  to see more than we should have including very private parts in this series i might add!

A rant to finish of the post it think…  the whole reason why bear shouldn’t have won is because he wasn’t real  he created all the emotion from other people which is why i connected with the program but he was a character. Do you agree with me or do you agree with the man himself and think its not real and just a game ?

Id also love to know why you watch the serious do you agree with me that its human nature?

please leave your comments down below 🙂



Inequalities in the behavior expected of men and women


There is just no other way to start this post than to say i’m writing it in an outraged mood. I was just scrolling down my twitter timeline when i saw this article in the daily star (who frankly should be ashamed to have not put on the end of the article that he was a sexiest pig ) I wouldn’t normally click on an article that had anything to do with anyone from Geordie shore as i have never watched the program and have no interest in doing so in the future. But the headline ” you could have been Mrs Beadle but you let me f**k you after four hours” made me think surely that must just be a shocking headline to draw the readers in he can’t just mean that and not have a valid explanation, not that i can think of an explanation that would be acceptable for that comment but still i needed to read it to see.

But no as you can see the post is just feel of self importance and sexist statements.  So he’s saying if a girl has sex with a guy on the same night she’s seen as not having a worthy enough character to be worthy of marrying him. Well i’m sorry but its that old saying it takes two to tango. Stop the slut shaming because has he even said himself he was the one trying to get her in bed that night. I mean why should women be shamed and deemed unworthy of commitment but men sleeping with a girl on the first night is expected and seen as normal laddish behavior? The morals of sleeping with someone on the first night is a personal one and i’m not commenting on that or sharing my opinion on that what i’m saying is that men and women’s behavior should be judged in the same way.

Last point, what gives men like Gaz the impression that women should have to prove that they are worthy of him providing that fairy-tale he was talking about at the top of the screenshot. When you get engaged it should be a equal feeling of love and respect that has made her say yes and you both feel honored to be getting married to each other! In Gaz personal case love and respect normally comes from having the same interests and morals and from what I’ve heard of you and your behavior in the past good luck finding a girl with the high morals your looking for when your past has been far from that!

full article here

Feel free to add your thoughts on the topic on equality in dating below –